Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
