It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
