Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize