Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
