remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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