how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
