So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
