Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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