She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
