So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
