i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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