So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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