So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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