All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
