i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize