I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
