Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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