And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
