tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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