I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
