I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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