I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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