theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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