she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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