Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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