So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think my moral compass just broke
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
