I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Found the puke drawer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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