i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
