you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
