I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
