chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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