sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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