I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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