Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize