wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize