Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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