Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
