Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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