the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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