im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
