she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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