I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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