Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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