hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
