I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
