My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
