our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
