Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
