so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
