some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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