he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
