do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
