I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
