We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
