I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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