I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
