I accidentally had phone sex last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
