everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
