This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
