Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
