i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize