how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
