it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
