Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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