Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
not ubering you a puppy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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